Jury duty and gossip

Hey guys good morning:

Well Jury duty was a bust. Nobody wanted me to stand in judgment over him or her. Oh well! I was there tow well after 1600 going from courtroom to courtroom as lawyers impaneled juries. They had three whacks at me and failed to notice how fair I’d be to the guilty defendants.

I have to be careful. I find myself falling into old habit patterns at work. I am doing too much stuff and I don’t think it is good. I am constantly picking up extra tasks along the way in hopes of getting promoted, or noticed, or whatever? Those things aren’t important. I know that. I sometimes let myself sucked in.

I have in recent weeks been wallowing in office intrigues and gossips. I need to not do that. I have to be straightforward and honest and say away from the negative Nellies who overpopulate my organization. Some of it is pretty astounding.

The thing is I don’t want all the lessons I learned as a cancer man to be ephemeral. They were good things that should be my driving force – not what happens at the Delaware Department of Labor. This is all causing me great anxiety.

For many years my behavior was governed by wanting to be liked/accepted. And while that is kind of important, I’ve made decision along the way that weren’t true to me. I can feel that drifting back in my psyche and that is not the person I wan to be. So I need to make a mid-course correction. There are certain offices I need to avoid, people I won’t reach out to, and some topics from which I’ll excuse myself.

I learned a lot about kindness, thankfulness, and honesty when I was sick and those lessons are so easy to lose as you get further and further removed from the event. I don’t want to lose that.

Love to all