Thursday, February 28, 2013

New World Record


Good Morning :

A little after 0630 and all I want to do is go back to bed and skip today. I am sooooooooo busy at work. I can’t even describe all the hundreds of things I have to do I the next little while. Fudgesicles man.

Anyway, Yesterday was a big day. Six miles running er, ah trudging actually. It’s my new post cancer World Record. A good part of it was up Philadelphia Pike (for those unfamiliar with Delaware generally and Wilmington specifically that’s a giant hill) A real lung buster.

Yippee!

I don’t want to tell you everything on my road back – after all where would the mystery be? But six miles is a big deal. Oh, Oh, Oh I forgot to mention I had my IPod on and after every song I did ten pushups. This time last year I could do a pushup. All-in-all a butt kicking workout.


Bill

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Nurses


I’ve been meaning to write this for a few days, but haven’t really got to it or was kind of unsure what to say.

I bet being a cancer nurse is hard. We patients/survivors are so damn needy. I went to 6B the other day and it was great to see the nurses, but they were so busy saving lives it was hard to do little more than throw a hug their way as they ran from room-to-room juggling syringes, vials, and hand held computer things. All the while stopping for a precious second to say hi and to be encouraging.

One nurse told me they like to see patients come by after they’ve recovered. I don’t remember if she said it was because unlike cabinetmakers or artists they don’t often get to see the results of their craft. Hmmm? A curious thing.

I wonder if they know they become part of our families or if they try and put up a wall between them and us because some patients don’t make it. I bet it is a difficult dance to do, with a lot of heartache.

I worry they’ll get immune to it all. That after a while it somehow becomes somewhat mechanical. I just know I couldn’t do it. And I worry about them.

This probably came out all wrong, but it is what I was thinking.

I’m back

Okay posse:

I was out of the loop the past few days cheating on you. I was writing to these folks in a support group I’m part of (I’m sure it’s more correct to say "of which I am part").  Anyway I’m back, keep those cards and letters coming. Anyway, it’s good to see you.

And Lyn, you’re looking very fashionable this morning.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I went to the infectious disease doc and he told me I look thinner. Oh, and he also fired me.  He said, that my cough was gone and that I can take one less pill than I am taking now so that’s good news. And all I have to do is take some allergy pills here on in. Cool huh?

See ya,

Bill

Thursday, February 21, 2013

feeling okay


Hey all:

Feeling a bit better today. A bit fatigued from working out yesterday. I need to make sure I do the resting piece of the exercise continuum -- I’m already doing the carbo-loading.  After all, I’m not 50 anymore. I may not even do my pushups at lunch today.

Work’s okay.

I think I’m finally losing some weight. I was down to … yesterday.  Oh it must have gotten deleted somehow. Huh? How is that possible.

I need to get ready for work, but what I really want is to go back to bed.  I have this little Yorkie and she thinks she can talk. So she comes in the bedroom and says rrrrah, rrrrrah, rrrrrah. Then she turns around goes out to the kitchen and starts slapping her plastic bowl across the white ceramic tile floor. She comes back into the bedroom and says and this is a quote, “rrrah, rrrrrah, rrrrrah.”

I guess that means get your fat Irish butt out of bed and get me a snack.

Oh well.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

eh


Not much to post right now. Still kind of blue. I’m not actually blue, I’m in a blue funk. Have been for a couple of days. Oh well.

I really don’t have much to say. I think I’ll go get a cup of coffee and ponder the mjesty of my oddly shaped living room until the sun comes up. 

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Ah fudge


It’s very early and I’ve been up for some time just lying in bed saying, “Oh shit!”

I am involved in this project at work and am supposed to be an advisor to this committee doing all the work. Well, I have not paid close enough attention, but it is becoming increasingly clear that the big shots are less than thrilled with the way this thing is going. I guess I need to get “all in” as my good friend puts it. The only problem is I don’t want to deal with it at the moment. I am being petty, but that’s how I feel.

When this whole thing started the big boss told me to keep it at arm’s length, but now that I appear healthier and healthier, those cautions are drifting further and further to the rear. I am so jammed up now at work that I am doing way more than before I got sick. Fudge (I use Fudge instead of another word that begins with Fu). I don’t know how this should be, but it sure doesn’t feel like this should be it.

Also there is no big payoff either. I guess it’s all resume fodder for later on, but I don’t see a whole big work future in the out years for me. That’s not quite right either. I just don’t feel like looking for a new job at the moment especially since my wife just started new one and we are trying to get some debt under control. Fudge I feel trapped today.

What bugs me most I think is that I am one of the “go to guys” in the organization, but there is little payoff besides an ego stroking. I don’t know – fudge. I have about ten “big deal” things I have to get done; big things! Shoot. I wish the only big thing I had to worry about was the project I mentioned earlier, but I have truly ten just like it! I don’t know. I was very optimistic yesterday, but today – not so much.

Oh well, I guess we’ll see. Sometimes I just want to chuck it all. 

Monday, February 18, 2013

started running

Good morning all:

I turns out there is a mass conspiracy of people trying to be nice to me.

Let me see. I feel I am less fat than I was last week, but I don’t want to get on a scale to confirm it. I prefer to use the belt notch measurement test Yep that’s it.

Okay now for some recovery stuff. I ran like the wind Friday. Well not so much the wind as a stagnant breezeless afternoon. Regardless of my speed I still ran about three miles. It seems like all the recumbent biking and and stair walking paid off. I went four miles It was pretty good. My legs were a bit tired my wind was good and my heart rate seemed fine.

So far so good.

More tomorrow,

Gotta go,

BIll



Friday, February 15, 2013

Running Late

I'll werite a beter post tomorrow or Sunday. I woke up late and am busier than a one armed paper hanger.
Yikes!

Bill

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Back, but groggy

I want to thank you everyone for helping  dry my big old middle-aged fat guy tears. Yes, I am a crybaby. Always have been; always will be. I am much more better today. Okay that’s not good grammar. I am betterer – there that should do it.

Neuropathy? Why I spit in the eye of neuropathy; I grind it out like a hobo grinds the end of a twice-smoked cigar. Ha. I laugh at it. Until of course, it laughs back; then I join my Yorkshire Terrier under the bed; both of us quivering like robins hiding from a cat. Hmm not very distinguished I grant you, but one has to do, what one has to do.

Didn’t have much oomph last night. I kind of hung around, ate a late dinner, read a bit, and went to bed. I slept to 0635. That’s very late for me. I don’t know why that is, but I am still groggy. I even started wondering if I mistakenly took an Ambien in lieu of one of the ½ dozen pills I still take. I’ve done it before; will probably do it again someday when I’m not paying attention.

Anyway I hit the recumbent bike for about 45 minutes last night, watching recorded episodes of the Daily Show.

Anyway, thanks you guys I appreciate it.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Recovery blows


Sometimes this recovery is its own special hell, not because it is overly difficult physically, but it can just play with your mind. Lat night I a terrible moment when my legs all cramped up and my calves didn’t seem to work. At one point I plodded about the house trying to pull it all together. What caused it? Shit if I know.

But it brought back a flood of memories and feelings about when chemo made my legs did not work. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t the same thing. For a few minutes though, I was back in the middle of that frikkin moment about 18 months ago when the neuropathy and neurotoxicity were their worst.

I just started to cry.

I took a hot bath and it all went away. It was probably that I took the dogs on a walk wearing loafers, or the insane workout I did the day before gong up and down stairs, or my shitty diet. Still it shared the bejeezus out of me.

Well something funny tomorrow.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

pain and work


Hey homeboys, homegirls:

My abdomen pain is pretty annoying. I need to run by the doctor one day to get this checked. If you’ve followed this thing all along you will know that abdominal pain has been my constant companion since the bowel resection almost two yeas ago.

Well this is a bit different. It feels more like a stomach flu than anything else. My strategy right now is do nothing and see what happens.

Work is work. Had a completely unfulfilling meeting yesterday. Ever have those meetings when everyone else says you are wrong on every point and you know you’re not. That’s what yesterday was like.  It was so frustrating. I know something is wrong, but there is something gurgling behind the scenes I can’t figure out. Oh well I get paid for enthusiastically support the bosses decisions whether they’re good or bad.

Bill 

Monday, February 11, 2013

I’m back


Hey guys I didn’t feel too great last night. Had some abdominal pain, but I think I’ll be okay. I’m always hypersensitive to that because that’s how the cancer started before. I’m sure I’m okay it just freaks me out every now and then. As I’ve mentioned before cancer survivors are the worst hypochondriacs in the world.

This is one of those times.

One of my two best friends in the world is coming DC this week. He is visiting his son and we are going to get together and make fun of each other. It will be a blast.

Big goings on at work. WE all have to meet to see what we are going to do about the workforce stuff the governor put out in his state of the state address. Most of it we are doing already; we just have to align our language with his and we’ll be fine. It’ll be fun.

I know each of you is waiting with bated breath for my book to hit the interweb. Another week or two, please. I have copy edited for the second time and hope to get the final formatting done in the next couple of weeks. I am also working on a cover design, and that is apparently a big deal.

I may hire a cover designer. We’ll see.

That’s it gotta go 

Friday, February 8, 2013

short, short post


Okay. Not too much to report today. The pups got me up kind early. Buzz and I had a love fest on the floor; he loves that. I guess that’s it.

Bill

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Reckless biking

Didn’t get a chance to write to you guys this morning.

After a tough Neuropathy night I went home early yesterday, took a nap and then I do what I always do, doubled down on my exercise program and worked the pain away.

I jumped on my recumbent and pedaled my heart out for about 50 minutes, burned more than 500 calories, and sweated a good deal. Last night I slept like a baby, I’m gonna hit the recumbent bike again tomorrow and see what damage I can do to my burgeoning mid – section. Oh well.

I was watching this thing on TV last night about a Dr. who is seventy-something and lifting weights like crazy and looks muscular. The thing is he takes human growth hormones and testosterone. I don’t want to do that either so I’m just gonna keep whacking away at my fitness program, be reckless and drug free.

I guess that’s it.

Peace,

Bill

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

neuropathy attack


Bill walked through the doors of the Newark Public Library at about 6:30 last night and strolled over to the catalogue computer hoping to find some info on a book he heard about over Sunday Brunch.
Something wasn’t quite right.
“Shoot! My legs. I’ve felt this before. Damn.”
It started with a tingle in his feet and soon his whole legs felt as if they were half-asleep and half full functioning.
“Oh man, it’s neuropathy,” he thought.
His wife Kate was still looking at books on CD’s for her ride to work.
Bill walked – trudged – to the fiction aisle hoping to find something that would spark his curiosity, but every step was laborious.
“At least there’s no pain.” He thought.
He distractedly picked up a copy of Don Quixote. Put it down. Picked a couple of other things that might interest him and put them down too. He really wasn’t looking; just going through the motions.
He walked toward the circulation desk, met his wife, and they both walked out the door.
“My feet aren’t working,” he said. That sentence had long ago become a codeword for a neuropathy attack.
“Do we need to go home?”
“No I’ll be alright, but when we go to Rite Aid I’ll just wait for you in the car.”
They went to the store, found out their co-pays for prescriptions had gone up due to federal budget wrangling, did one more errand, and went home.
“I hate this so much,” he said. “I just want to cry.”
“I know,” Kate said. “I know.”

Monday, February 4, 2013

diet coming


Well the last major food holiday is over. It’s always so sad to have the last Dorito, or piece of cake and have to wait until November for the grazing to begin. The pain of it all. No more orgies of sweets, liaisons with cheese doodles, nor trysts with cold cuts. It’s just as well. I suppose. In recent months there is more of me to love.

Need to work on that.

Okay it’s a short post today, but I have to take buzz o the vet in the next by the next 30 minutes, so I got take a shower and hit the road. 

Saturday, February 2, 2013

cardiac results



Good Morning My Friends:

Let me start by saying hard work pays off. It really does. Last Mach I began working on getting stronger and regaining some type of decent cardiac health. As you may remember, I developed a chemo related heart problem called an ejection fraction problem.

I started by walking and walking and walking and walking. Somewhere around April/May I started getting up at 0530 and lifting weights in my garage or riding my bike around town. I also started walking at lunchtime with my boss. In the fall I had overcome enough neuropathy to attempt running. And it wasn’t until October I was able to put together a three-mile run – but I did it.

Even though I hurt my back in August and tore an abdominal muscle in October, I was able to hobble together a half-assed workout schedule at lunchtime, which included walking up and down the stairs at work and doing pushups at each landing.

So here’s the deal. I had my final cardiac appointment yesterday and was told my results were – these are the doctor’s words, not mine – “spectacular and far beyond my age appropriate peers.”

Well that’s it for now. I’m going back to bed to gloat under the covers.

Bill


Friday, February 1, 2013

tiny post


Okay here goes. I have my echocardiogram today to check my ejection fraction. Then a quick out brief with the cardiologist then of to work. Kate has her first day of work today.