Thursday, January 31, 2013

Evil Yorkie


Finally, something broke our way.

My wife was offered a job yesterday and she took it. That’s great news.

What does this have to recovery? Well, tangentially quite a lot. If things work out well for her we can do some house upgrades, stash some money away and pay down some bills so that when/if we do want to move we can make this work much easier.

You know how if you want to do something and it goes pretty easy, it’s as if it was meant to be? Trying to sell our house this time wasn’t like that. Maybe it just wasn’t time yet. In any event having a bit of cash put aside will help.

I think I’ve put my finger on fatigue issue. It’s got four legs, weighs about 13 pounds and is restless all night. I’d like to put more than a finger on it too. Coco my little pain in the ass Yorkie is a bed hog bully. She comes in all cuddly and slowly nudges me off the bed or kicks with her little feet that feel like four tony high-heeled shoes jabbing you in the side. Up and down. Up and down -- all nightlong. If the cancer doesn’t kill me; she will.

Oh well off to work.

Bill


Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Stress test

Laugh in their faces. Ha!

Went to see the heart doc this today for my stress test. My reckless approach to recovery seems to be paying benefits. My resting heart rate is 58 and it took forever to get to my target on the treadmill. Once done my heart rate returned to resting in about four minutes. Echocardiogram is Friday where they’ll check the ejection fraction then I’ll know if my fatigue is a circulatory problem. 
Everyone thinks I am too reckless for a 55 year old fat boy and not working out in an age appropriate manner.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

stress test


Hey gang:
Well it is just before 0830 and I am getting ready to hit the cardiac stress test at 1015, which probably mean 1045, but we’ll see.
When I was sick the hardest thing for me wasn’t the cancer or the chemo side effects, it was the chemo induced heart problem I had. Well now I fine, but the doc wants to check and see if the heart thing is still good. The heart problem was an ejection fraction challenge. You see when you heart pumps not all the blood is ejected a small amount stays behind to help keep things lubricated and well every pump leaves a bit behind.
My problem was my heart was leaving about 30% behind the normal number is about 10 – 15 %.
Well anyway, I have to change my clothes and I’m off to the doctors.

Not too freaked out.

Echocardiogram Friday

Peace,

Bill

Monday, January 28, 2013

I have a cold no big deal


Good morning:

I have a cold. I was in bed all weekend; snuggled under a down comforter. Hmmmm good and toasty. I remember this time last year when a cold would’ve killed me. Now I’m jus miserable. Pretty cool huh?

Not a whole lot of recovery stuff to talk about today.

If I didn’t have to unscrew something at work, I’d stay at home and hunker down for another day.  After all I do have the sniffles.

Heart stress test tomorrow morning. Then off to work. I don’t anticipate any big surprises. We’ll see.

Peace to all,

Bill

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Not too much to report

Had a good night’s sleep for a change. I was beat. Had two and a half glasses of wine at the local spaghetti joint. The food was good, but they’re trying to go upscale. I liked it better as a dive. Oh well. Had to get up early to do my Spanish homework for our 0930 class.

Done going back to bed after I check WDEL snow watch

See ya Pray for cancellation

Bill

Friday, January 25, 2013

Frikkin Tired -- Adult language Alert


Well, it’s morning and I’m beat.

I worked out too hard the past two days and need to take it easy today. If I could, I’d work from home today, but I can’t. I have embraced a reckless approach to recovery and sometimes it bites me in the ass.

Wednesday night I rode my recumbent bike extra hard and yesterday I did the crazy workout of walking up and down eight flights of stairs several times and doing pushups and sit-ups at the top and bottom landing. After I did that five times I did this thing where I walk up one flight of stairs, do some type of exercise at the landing, go back down do some curls with my exercise bands, grab my gear and go back up the one flight to that landing and start the whole process again until I go up, and down, and back up. I did this little bit of torture until I made it all way back up to the top on the stairwell.

Stupid huh? I’m  frikkin exhausted.

What caused this bit of insanity? My old nemesis – Pizza. That’s right. Pizza. I had planned to cut back on my food and lose some of this prepositioned medical weight loss material from around my waist. But I was weak. Wednesday night I wanted pizza and I wanted a lot of it. So we ordered a medium pizza from Seasons and I ate almost the whole thing (to be fair a medium pizza is like a small at other eateries).

In my mind that can only mean one thing – I must do penance. Like a medieval month whipping himself in a darkened cell for sins real or imagined, I took to the stairwells.

Well that little escapade has me tired. Bone weary, but the citizens of Delaware are counting on me to get off my ass and go to work. Actually if it weren’t for the fact that this is the day providers turn in their initial (RFP) packet, I’d stay home and snuggle up in my bed, but I’m shorthanded and need to go in.

I ain’t working my ass off today that’s for sure.


Thursday, January 24, 2013

Jury duty and gossip


Hey guys good morning:

Well Jury duty was a bust. Nobody wanted me to stand in judgment over him or her. Oh well! I was there tow well after 1600 going from courtroom to courtroom as lawyers impaneled juries. They had three whacks at me and failed to notice how fair I’d be to the guilty defendants.

I have to be careful. I find myself falling into old habit patterns at work. I am doing too much stuff and I don’t think it is good. I am constantly picking up extra tasks along the way in hopes of getting promoted, or noticed, or whatever? Those things aren’t important. I know that. I sometimes let myself sucked in.

I have in recent weeks been wallowing in office intrigues and gossips. I need to not do that. I have to be straightforward and honest and say away from the negative Nellies who overpopulate my organization. Some of it is pretty astounding.

The thing is I don’t want all the lessons I learned as a cancer man to be ephemeral. They were good things that should be my driving force – not what happens at the Delaware Department of Labor. This is all causing me great anxiety.

For many years my behavior was governed by wanting to be liked/accepted. And while that is kind of important, I’ve made decision along the way that weren’t true to me. I can feel that drifting back in my psyche and that is not the person I wan to be. So I need to make a mid-course correction. There are certain offices I need to avoid, people I won’t reach out to, and some topics from which I’ll excuse myself.

I learned a lot about kindness, thankfulness, and honesty when I was sick and those lessons are so easy to lose as you get further and further removed from the event. I don’t want to lose that.

Love to all

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

JUry duty


Okay:

Well I’m off judge other people today. And I’m not even going to work.  

Yep, give ‘em all a first class trial, then a first class hanging. It’s jury duty day.  You know you’re in trouble when the instructions include “bring something to pass the time.” I hope I get a murder or something cool. My goal is to be on Dateline when Keith Morrison interviews the jurists.

“Yes Keith I was conflicted when we went into the jury room,” I’ll say. “ I was still willing to believe it was an accident even though he ran over the victim with his pickup truck 27 time. I though it was pretty circumstantial, but once I hear him speak and say the word irregardless, I knew he was guilty. That was his tell. Irregardless –without, without regard. Murdering the King’s English more like it!”

I suspect this is going to be quite the goat rope at the New Castle County Courthouse. The telephone instructions are sooooooo long that I was expecting a commercial. Oh well I need to take a shower.

See ya,

Bill

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

back to work


Well good morning campers!

Off to work today. My friend Freddy told me one day, “Man. I just ain’t feeling it.” That’s kind of how I feel today. I actually have quite a bit to do, but much of it is mechanical hubbub I’ve done a gagillion times.

Ever since I’ve been better, work is kind of a blah. You know it has to be done, but it’s all so mundane. I know I’m lucky to have a job, but I don’t feel enthusiastic about it. Maybe I’m getting older and …

I think I mentioned I am part of the facebook group – Burkitt’s Lymphoma Private Group. Anyway, the side effects of many of these people are experiencing and the immense devastation Burkitt’s has caused them is astounding.

I got off pretty lucky. Aside from some neuropathy that sneaks in from time-to-time, or a bout of fatigue, or this obsession about having had cancer, and this incredible craving for donuts, I’ve made it through pretty unscathed. Except of cause for the 12-inch scar from diaphragm to pubic bone and 1/3 less intestine. Yikes!!

I have a major medical emergency in my house right now.  We are out of coffee. I’m going to have to go to the store and get some “life juice, some java, some Joe.”

I am reading this over-long book called Heartstone and was up to past midnight because it is finally getting good. (350 pages later) I’ll pay for that later. I’m just kind of blathering now. I think it is because I have something to say, but I’m not sure quite what it is. We’ll see.

If you’ve read this far you’re a real trooper.

Thanks,

Something more interesting tomorrow I promise.

Bill

Monday, January 21, 2013

MLK day not much to report


Not much of a post today. I had planned to stay in bed all day kind of like John Lennon on his honeymoon. I was going to invite the press to watch me read.

Anyway, today I get back on the workout horse. I’ve been on and off quite a bit since I tore an abdominal muscle in October.

More later,

BIll

Sunday, January 20, 2013


Well it’s a bit after 0630; had a nice cup of Wawa java and I’m just sitting here lamenting my fatness. Jeepers. I need to cut some weight again, but I really don’t feel like it. If it didn’t make my scar from the bowel resection ache, I’d probably surrender and call it a day.

I’ve joined this Burkitt’s Lymphoma support group and there are people in different stages of cancer and it is hard knowing the length of the journey ahead for some of the newbies. Damned cancer – as Shakespeare might say.

Well I’m moving my recumbent bike out of the garage and into the house so I can use it this winter. It’s time to get back in gear. Like I said yesterday it’s portion control and low carbs starting Monday. Except for Super Bowl Sunday.

I didn’t work out much last week because I was lazy and over committed at work and with doctor’s appointments. I guess I could have forced myself to do it when I came home, but I don’t like working out at night so much.

Maybe I’ll start blogging at night and work out before I go to work. Hmmmmmm.

Much to consider.

Okay here’s my weight 248

225 by 1 sep 13

Bill

Friday, January 18, 2013

heart update


Okay Gang:

It turns out I have a heart.

I saw it on an EKG today. The Doc and I chatted bout my fatigue and right now there isn’t a cardiac reason I should be tired. He tends to think some of my fatigue is caused by working out like a 20 year old, when I am 55 year old and it is just taking me longer to recover. I guess we’ll see.

I have to have a stress test the week after next, so we’ll see. After that I’m going to get my ejection fraction checked in February. He gave the “after all you’ve been through speech.”

You know, “After all you’ve been through, blah, blah, blah.”

I hate that speech; it is permission to roll over and quit trying. I refuse to approach any of this reasonably. Reasonableness is the fastest way to ensure a slow recovery. If the Lymphoma gods are conspiring against me, there they’re in for a fight.

It’s right up there with “you have to be realistic.”

Let me tell you what I believe. I know it is wrong, but that doesn’t’ matter; I believe it anyway. Cancer cells in general and blood cancer cells specifically, are thinking entities that wait for moments of weakness and attack. When you’re in treatment, they wait until your miserable and for you to start doubting your inevitable victory and then they counter attack. When you’re in recovery you have to be ever vigilant because when you embrace the easier, “After all you’ve been through,” mentality these bastards come roaring back for another try at you. It is the maintaining a belief of inevitable victory that gives you the best chance.

Does that mean people who die of cancer were somehow mental or spiritually weak? Or they only have themselves to blame?  Of course not. What it does mean is attitude has multiplicative effect when fighting these snot-nosed cancer cells. It means they wait for weakness. It means do hard things like exercising when you’re dog-tired that gives you an edge in the long run. It means staying focused. It means rolling out of bed with your IV pole and wandering the hallways regardless of how bad you feel. I t means engaging the people in your life with positive vibes that take to the karmic ether and create a tidal wave of best chances.

When you start sucking your thumb and using you miserable feeling as a crutch, you’re done. You have to provide cancer cells no quarter either physically or psychically. 

heart doc today


Hey guys:
I have to go see the heart doc this morning and confirm I have one.

My blood chemistry is good enough that my fatigue is not a chemistry problem, so we’ll see. Trying to come up with a cover for my book cancer book and a good title. It’s not quite ready, but I’m putting the test aside for a while and see what happens.

I didn’t work out yesterday. I just didn’t feel it. I’m going to look at the zone diet, I did it once before and it worked really well. So we’ll see.

That’s it for now.

Peace,

Bill

Thursday, January 17, 2013

No appointments until Juy


It’s been a good week so far and we have a three-day weekend coming up. Okee dokkee.

I went to the doc yesterday. And the good news is my blood is better than it has been in about a year. Maybe longer. For the first time my platelets are above 100 and everything has else has improved too. and no appointments ‘till July!!

On the downside, I’m fat. I’m a bit mystified because of how much I workout and I really have been eating less crap. No sodas, not too much candy, etc. It’s frikking pastry man, and all those holiday cakes. Oh and donuts too. And all the cereal and PB&J’s maybe. Damn, my diet does suck. 

Thank god there are only two holidays left in the season – NFL conference championship Sunday (this week) and Superbowl Sunday the February 3rd.

I have to go to the heart doctor because of the fatigue. All my chemistry suggests I shouldn’t be as tired as I am. That’s tomorrow. It’s probably nothing. I going to not take any naps after work and see what happens.

I guess I’ll go on a diet soon.

My house sale is looking less and less likely. People are crazy. Buyers are asking sellers for price reductions and money for closing costs. There is no damn way that is going to happen.  I have some more adult decisions to make. I can’t stand it.


I guess that’s it for today,

Love to all

Bill

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

four month follow up


Well gang this is it:

Off to the doctor’s for a bit of blood work. Should be pretty quick. I am always a bit apprehensive though. One time I went there, felt pretty well, and was sent to the hospital for a couple of weeks, so who knows.

It’s very quiet here this morning. All I can really here is the far off swoosh of car tires against rain the rain covered street outside my door. All those people off to work. Life can be hard.

I always take the whole day off when I have these appointments. I don’t know why, but I do. It feels right. I guess this is going to be a kind of rambling post.

Things to discuss with the doc:

Medications – Maybe I’ll get to come off a few of them. I remember my mom having bottles of meds in the kitchen spread  across the counter. Now it’s me. Kind of weird. I’ve been thinking about morality and getting older. It has all flown by so quickly this life.

Fatigue – I’m always tired. My mom used to joke when I was a young man that all I did was sleep. That was because of booze and women. Now I’m bone weary most days and sober too.

Muscle recovery – I’ve been thinking about this. I workout regularly and every time it is as if I hadn’t done anything in months. My muscles still get that beginner soreness. It’s freaking weird. I’ve been attempting – keyword – doing more pushups over the past few week and two days ago I could barely do 12 at once. It’s astounding. It get so damn discouraging. Oh well. Some people tell me its because I’m older now. That’s poppycock. That is not what this feels like.

Neuropathy – I still gets this ripping tearing pain across the top of my feet sometimes. It doesn’t matter what shoes I wear, what I’m doing, or what time f day it is. The only thing that makes a difference is when I wear Merrill hiking shoes. I might ask the big bosses if I can wear those to work in lieu of dress shoes.

Hmm.

Well, I’m sure I’ll get good news today. I’m pretty confident about that. Except for a couple of days when I felt nauseous and my stomach was doing cartwheels I’ve felt pretty good. Update you tomorrow.


Bill 

Monday, January 14, 2013

No post Tuesday

No Post Tuesday. I have big meeting in Dover. I have my appointment Wednesday I’ll up date then.

Bill

one year today


Good morning all:

I really don’t know what to say today.

It’s a quiet Monday morning and I am feeling a bit lethargic today I’d just as soon climb back in bed instead of climbing into to rat race, but one must do what one must do.

I finished my first edit of the book and while it actually reflects my journey, it just doesn’t feel right somehow. It just doesn’t seem finished. Kate said I should just put it aside for a while and come back to it in about ten days. Maybe she is right. Maybe I’ll rewrite it as a narrative.

Hmmm.

I think I’m going to write a quick than you note to the people at work for their support so far this year.

I guess that’s it.

Peace,

Bill

Sunday, January 13, 2013

this week


This is a pretty big week for me. Milestones, milestones.

It was one it was one year ago Monday that I returned to work on a half-day schedule. It has been quite a hall. I didn’t return to work full time ‘till mid-April and didn’t actually do any work until uh, um er – The jury is still out.

Wednesday I go to the doc for a four-month check up – full blood work up, get felt up by the doc, stand on the scale that always weighs too heavy, and ask him why I am so darn tired. It always freaks me out. I get so freaked out when I have appointments; I take the whole day off work.  

This is what my dog did to the
 house when I went back to work.
 
More tomorrow

I’m a cry baby

Kind of a tough day yesterday.

I had this neuropathy pain rip across the top of my feet. It was quite miserable. This went hand-in-hand with the usual tingling that goes along with it.
Then my legs were fatigued on a 45 minute dog walk. Given how hard I've worked, the leg fatigue stuff shouldn’t happen anymore.
Damn it can be frustrating.

I going back to bed and will write more a bit later,


Saturday, January 12, 2013

I don’t care Lance Armstrong Cheated


Good morning my friends:

 I want to talk about lance Armstrong today.

I don’t care if the guy sold crack outside churches. His foundation helped me survive cancer; if he was able to start it due to a lie and doping – I’m good that with that. I recently watched Anderson Cooper interview a couple of sports journalists. The two reporters babbled about how people aren’t in an uproar about Lance (I call him Lance) and it’s because we don’t want to believe it. Especially cancer patients/survivors.

Boy, are they off the mark. There are two reasons we aren’t in an uproar.

First -- We cancer survivors just don’t care he cheated. To our mind – the ends justified the means. Had the Livestrong foundation not been around, there would have been a big hole in my cancer approach and awareness.

Second – It’s cycling, not baseball, football, basketball, hockey, or even soccer. It’s like a fifth tier professional sport in the U.S.  Shoot, professional wrestling is bigger. Given all the hubbub about the 2nd amendment these days, one would think skeet shooting was bigger. Jeepers.

The sports journalist broke a big story where the antagonist is helping save the lives of regular folks – of course no one is outraged. They should have anticipated the lack of falderal.

Friday, January 11, 2013

guns and cancer


Okay here goes my ultra-liberal view on guns.

I don’t have a big problem with gun ownership. I think people should be able to own a gun or two. I’m cool with that. Hell, I used to have a gun. It was a 30-30-bolt action rifle. It fired regular run of the mill ammo. I actually don’t remember if I took it to a pawnshop or gave it away. It was long ago. I don’t hunt because it’s too much like work, with all the cleaning and skinning and hauling to a butcher.

But let’s start at the beginning I am as insane about the 2008 supreme court ruling, that said gun ownership is an individual right as conservatives are about Row v. Wade. It drives me to distraction.

My reading of the constitution is that gun ownership is a collective right and the founding fathers never intended anything different.
A quick review – The second amendment says,  A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”
Section eight, which enumerates the congress’s powers, says:
“To provide for calling forth the Militia to execute the Laws of the Union, suppress Insurrections and repel Invasions;
To provide for organizing, arming, and disciplining, the Militia, and for governing such Part of them as may be employed in the Service of the United States, reserving to the States respectively, the Appointment of the Officers, and the Authority of training the Militia according to the discipline prescribed by Congress”

I’m just some dope in Newark Delaware writing a cancer blog, but it seems to me without some type of explicit exclusion stating gun rights are individual rights, it seems the militia is an organized institution as opposed to a loose collection of individuals.

Anyway, here’s the point -- military style weapons are designed to kill and maim and they should be designed that way. Like a roofer needs a roofing hammer, Soldiers need specific tools. Outlawing guns that have no purpose outside military usage seems reasonable to me.

But here is the thing the NRA does have a point or two. The enforcement of current gun laws stinks. Modern entertainment in the US is way tooooooo violent. Well I got to go to work so I’ll finish this tomorrow.

Bill

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Workout result slowness


Good morning gang:

I expect a conflict filled day today, even though I‘ll just be on the periphery of it all. Oh well! I won’t air my work’s dirty laundry, except in hushed tones by the water cooler, but there will be gnashing of teeth and wailing, I’m sue.  

Feeling a gagillion times better than I did the day before yesterday. Kind of pooped though.

My workout regimen is going slow. A you all know I start by doing 12 – pushup (it started at ten) walk down the hall of he third floor, down four flight of stairs at the bottom landing I do a set calisthenics types stuff (Jumping Jacks, turn and bounce, planks … whatever) walk through some back hallways, and walk up four flights of stairs to my starting point where I’ll do more pushups until I’ve completed 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, and etc. Toward the end I’ll of it all, when I get to small numbers I may do more pushups if I can. This little bit of insanity takes about 40 minutes. And yesterday my total was 75 pushups.

The only problem is after a summer of working out, you’d think I’d be able t crank out more than 12 pushups to start, but right now that is my max. Oh well, it’s 12X better than this time last year.

It is taking great restraint to take the rest days between workouts. I read on Livestrong.com that after 50 the rest days are every bit as important as the workout days.

Speaking of Lance Armstrong. I don’t care if the guy was selling crack outside churches on Sunday. I just don’t care. His foundation helped me survive cancer and I am forever grateful.

I’ll go into a long rant about this Friday morning after the big Oprah interview, but he rode a bike and cheated. BFD!

That’s it for today. I’ll give my second amendment rant later. 

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Felt yucky yesterday


Good Morning all:

BTW before I get started on what is likely to be a whiney post the time blog says this high quality prose is posted in three hours off. Blog spot lists thing in Pacific time and not eastern time. I discovered this when editing all the blogs I wrote when I was sick and had to go back and change the time when editing for the book.

And that brings up another point you’d think a blog would be easy to edit since you already wrote it once and presumably edited it once. Well you guys are surely a patient audience because the last blog – and this one probably isn’t much better – was riddled with errors. So editing has taken a while.

Anyway, yesterday was not a good day for me. I had what medically is defined as a squidgy stomach. Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle. A bad case of diarrhea and a little nausea. I immediately had flashback of 18 months ago when I first got sick. It’s probably the greasy Wawa croissant I had for breakfast, but it was unrelenting.

You wanna know how distracted I was? We had a catered lunch because we had guests from Maryland who wanted to know how we got people trained as dealers – not drug dealers (that’s short term on the job training), but card dealers because Md. Recently passed table games legislation.

It was a beautiful lunch. I had half a roast beef sandwich and wanted to yack!! One of the people from Maryland said something I could make fun of with a snappy rejoinder and I let it pass. The Chairman even said, “Bill, nothing? Have you turned over a new leaf?”

So when that was over I gave the Maryland folks a tour of the Fox Valley One Stop, bragged quite a bit (especially about the Career Compass) , and went back upstairs praying the whole time that they would leave.

When they finally left, I went in my office and filled out a sick slip and went home.

I feel a little bit better today, still a bit antsy about it all. Luckily I have an oncology appointment next week and we’ll see. If I start vomiting though, I’ll freak the F@#k out.  

I need to check on my leave and sick leave balances, but to do that takes an IT degree. I need to find someone to do it for me. Oh well.

I guess that’s it for today,

Tuesday, January 8, 2013


Not much to report

How are you all doing today? Today is a rest day for working out. It is just as well since we have a bunch of folks from Anne Arundel county Workforce Investment Board coming by to see how we handled training gaming attendants at the casinos.

Other than that just kind of blah. I get the sense that something is over the horizon, just of sight. I hope its good, whatever it is.

See you tomorrow

I have about 108 pages of editing done on the book.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Bad booze


Good morning all:

As a general rule I tend not to drink too often – actually hardly at all. It’s not that I have any philosophical aversion to booze, in fact I am quite supportive of spirits in all their forms. The thing is I read somewhere – probably in some antisocial health magazine where the author is healthy, but his attitude makes everyone else sick – that alcohol can retard platelet production.

Last night, my temptress wife asked if I would like a glass of champagne from a bottle we got for New Years and never opened. Hmmmm, I thought win, one of my favorites. Bubbly wine no less. 

Anyway I had a glass, and she had a glass, and she had another glass, and I had another glass, and then the bottle was gone.

Well I had a little buzz going and wanted a little more wine. We got this wine basket for Christmas and I had already determined the wine it with was a bit nasty. I mean a basket with four bottles of wine, crackers, cookies, and assorted hoity-toity snacks – its bounds good and classy, but you know. Anyway I cracked open this bottle of Sauvignon Blanc (should’ve been Sauvignon Yech), and have a two have glasses (spoken like a true alcoholic I know). 

I don’t know if there will be a platelet drop, there sure was a sleep drop. I had the worst upset stomach all night and ended up getting very little sleep. I couldn’t get comfortable and I forgot that wine usually wakes me up in the middle of the night. It made me feel bloated (although that might have been the two Red Baron Mini-Pizzas I ate).

Well, I think I’m off wine now; I just can’t hang. Maybe I’ll try some bourbon next time or maybe I just won’t drink.

Well see you tomorrow,

Love Bill 

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Chills and Coco


Good morning all:

Had a great day yesterday and a little scare.

My fat white dog Buzz and I went for a 90-minute walk in the woods of White Clay Creek Park. It was Wait!! I don’t want to write it this way.

Buzz at his most alluring.
Bill and his overweight white dog Buzz pulled into White Clay Creek State Park’s Paper Mill Road back entrance. The red Toyota Tacoma bounced down the rutted road toward the little parking lot where most of the biking/hiking trails begin. It’s a fairly good, though rustic, network of trails.

When they started their walk, Bill had a half-drank (or is it drunk) cup of black coffee from Dunkin Donuts in one hand and the retractable lead attached to Buzz in the other. Parts of the trail were a bit slick from some snow and ice that had melted from early day sun.

So off they went dodging the occasional mountain biker and strolling along the five-mile (or so) trail. It was cold and the rolling hills helped Bill work up a sweat. Buzz acquitted himself well and basked in the different smells the odd pile of deer droppings and whatever else smells good to dogs, but disgusting to humans.

Other then the stone quiet of the day two things highlighted the walk. Vibrant blue finch-like birds flittered from leafless bush to leafless bush as if putting on a show or ushering out the two interlopers. And after walking about twenty minutes, Bill finished his coffee and since there are no trash cans (a pack in, pack out area) Bill had to carry his white coffee cup in his hand and eventually the spittle from the bottom of the cup dripped onto Buzz’s back adding some beige polka dots to his white mane.

The walk – the on the cold side – was grand – as the British say.

The two explorers went home with visions of snack dancing in their heads for the NFL playoffs set for the evening. It was to be a feast of disgusting—though obligatory food.

Since the games didn’t kickoff ‘till about 4 p.m. there was enough time for a bit of a nap.  Bill took off his black sweat-soaked Carhart long sleeve tee shirt (it makes him feel like a many man) and climbed into bed. His teeth were almost chattering from a chill he had picked up on the walk.

During his cancer treatments Bill had been twice rushed to the hospital and ended up being admitted for various complications and the episodes started with chills. His self diagnosed PTSD kicked in.

“Shit,” he thought. “I’m getting sick again. Maybe it’s just a chill. I have to keep quiet about this. I don’t want to scare my wife. Shit.

The Blast furnace
Well As the next little while passed and Bill still could warm up he pulled the hood of his sweatshirt up over his head and called his Yorkshire Terrier Coco.

“Coco can save me,” he thought. “We don’t call her the blast furnace for nothing.”

“Coco! Come here baby,” he shouted in his most pleasant voice. “Daddy needs to see you.”

The dog, ever the contrarian, ran to the side of peeked over and ran the other way.

“I’m gonna kill that dog,” He thought.

“Coco! Come here.”

After three or four attempts Coco finally jumped on the bed and as is her habit, crawled under the blankets and snuggled Bill.

Once upon a time people used bed warmers with hot coals inside a decorative brass lidded pan, sliding the pan between the sheets and blankets. Coco has that ability, minus the fire danger.

So when Bills right side got warmer, he loved the dog to his left side, and right, then left and on and on. Coco finally realizing she was just an object of convection instead of affection, took off. NO matter Bill was toasty and settled in for a worry free nap.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Not a lot to tell


Well Gang:

No big revelations since yesterday except, working at home is tough if you actually work. Yikes.

I know one thing for sure I have very little will power as fare as cakes go. Man I do love pastry and baked good. It will be my downfall.

This chemo-brain thing is really aggravating. I was just trying to think of the word for anti-cancer properties of food and I was stumped. That is happening more than I like lately. Kind of irritating. The word is antioxidant. What I was saying is I hope cake has an antioxidant effect, because I’ve been eating a lot of it. 

I recently read an article that said you should try to blog everyday. Well, sometimes it is hard to think of things to say, especially if you’re not sure anyone is reading. What does my audience want to talk about? Oh well, I guess this is a loneliness of a long distance runner kind of thing.

Oh well … BTW the above reference has nothing to do with the modern poem or movie. In fact, I’ve never read or seen either of those. At least I don’t think I have – how the hell would I know anyway.

Got a crushing headache, but I’m avoiding the docs office. I have a long history of headaches.

That’s it. See you tomorrow when I talk about job hunting or job staying.

Just a photo from Bennington Vt.
Bill 

Friday, January 4, 2013

Survivor stuff that’s for real.




I go to the docs on 16 January to get a blood check and hopefully a thumbs up. Well I still have this damn cough hanging around and while it doesn’t frighten me, it does remind me that things aren’t the way they once were. I’m hoping the blood work will tell me where I am on the immune-deficiency spectrum.

That’s kind of a big deal. Everyone at work is sick and coughing and hacking and yack, yack, yack. There’s a whole building of people I’m trying to avoid, so I got permission to work from home. That’s pretty cool. I guess that is the survivor lesson. If people are coughing and sneezing and brining kids around, run for you life. Because, that is exactly what you’re doing.

Don’t forget I’m the guy that was rushed to the hospital for neutropenia a while back. I ain’t going down that road any time soon So that is – as they – that.

You always hear stories about somebody catching something that turns into pneumonia and it kills them. Not this boy. I’m taking every precaution I can until I hear from the doc that my immune system is okay.

Until then I am going to be super cautious and unreasonably germaphobic (if that’s even a word).

I guess that’s it for now.

Peace,

Bill

Thursday, January 3, 2013

emptiness

Good morning everyone.

Well I’m just kind of hanging out waiting for me day to begin. I’ve been very fatigued as of late. Not really sure why that is. My working out has taken a back seat to actual work issues. You see, I like working out at lunch time. Right now I’m doing my this walking up and down the steps thing and I haven’t been able to get to it because of a hot work item that had a short deadline.

Anyway, I’m a little behind where I want to be.

My master plan last year was to sell the house and run away. Well it ain’t sold. I’m not sure if it’s the price r the railroad that goes through my back yard, but the fact of the matter is I’m a bit stuck for a little while.

It’s funny when you survive cancer, you expect your life to be more than it was. That you should do more with it, but somehow reality sneaks in and you’re a bit hemmed in and you stand waiting for something to break so you can burst out and live the new life you were given. The problem is the rest of the world doesn’t understand. and there is a resulting emptiness.

I guess that’s it for today.

See ya,

BIll


Wednesday, January 2, 2013

NO post today

I don’t have much to say today. I don’t feel like going to work, but then again. who does.  

I’m kind of at a cross road I’ll explain more tomorrow.

BIll

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Happy New Year! I have a bit to go recovery wise, but I have a great foundation. This years goals include:

running ten miles.
Getting to Seattle to visit Melissa
reading 17 books
setting up my web page
becoming a lymphoma advocate
getting my book published
dropping 15 pounds (er ah preposition medical weight -- or whatever it is I wrote).
60 pushups

That’s it for today

Love to all Bill