sex baby tip 71

Cancer tip 71 (Recovery – adult themed). Comedy is easy sex is hard. Don’t let a bad sex episode get in your head. All things in time.  I guess I can only speak for balding quintogenarians (I just made that word up), who like pizza too much. Sex while important, is pretty low on the laundry list of things to worry about as you battle through the haze of residual side effects. As you all know side effects can hang on for a while, so be patient. I have a lot of stupid jokes, but this is too important to be glib about. Okay never mind, remember like anything else practice makes perfect. 

Tips 68, 69, 70 forgot to post them

Cancer tip 68 (Recovery) Stash some money away to cover federal income tax. This is one of those “Do as I say. Not as I do.” Tips. If your employer has a disability policy and you go out on short or long term disability, be advised some insurers DO NOT withhold income tax. I dropped the ball here and it cost me a bit of cash just as I was coming out of my cancer haze and returning to work. Even though most disability insurance is woefully inadequate to cover lost wages, the tax bill can be shockingly high.

Cancer tip 69 (recovery). Get in shape if you can. Referring to tip 66, Set up a plan to get yourself back in good enough shape to do the things you want to do. This can be ridiculously hard, but it’s gotta be done.  Want to go fishing and need to walk two miles to get you your fishing hole? Slowly work up to it. Important note – make sure platelets are sustained at 50,000 before you do anything too crazy. Although normal platelets are 150,000, I think we all threw normal out the window a while ago. Safe – for exercise – is 50,000. That’s what Lance Armstrong says – he’d never lie.

Cancer Tip 70 (recovery) Forgive yourself for the emotional outbursts you’re gonna have at work. This goes for caregivers too. When you go through this and return to work, you’re gonna realize that a lot of what you’re doing is pretty stupid.

I was on a conference call when I first got back and it went on for about 30 minutes too long as everyone tried to jockey for phone call supremacy. The big muckety-mucks asked if there were any question. I said, “Since it’s painfully obvious we’re done, can I hang up?” Another time a subordinate gave me a ration of shit and I resigned, luckily the secretary of labor talked me out of it. Another time I just broke down and cried. 

Me -- Burkitt’s never looked so good

Pretty cool huh!

Stiff arm work a bit longer

Recovery tip #67 – Don’t rush back to work. If you can afford it, return to work with the same enthusiasm of a dog going to vet or a cat taking a bath. If I had to do over, I would have stiff-armed my return by a couple of months. I wasn’t ready. Even though my job has been very supportive and I felt a moral obligation to get back as fast as possible as symbol of returning to normal – I did it too soon. 

tip 66

I realize I am way behind I’ll catchup today.

Recovery Tip #66 – Do an inventory of you. How beat up are you from your cancer treatment? What are your limitations? What still works pretty well? What doesn’t works so well? Is there anything you can fix? Do you want to? For caregivers – same thing. 

REcovery stuff we’ve already discussed

Tip #62 – Recovery stuff. Since I lost my neuropathy notes and the Internet is full of stuff here ‘s a link to the mayo clinic -- http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/chemotherapy-neuropathy/MY01327. Okay maybe I should’ve held the mayo (heh, heh). Oh god I love “Airplane” humor. One question -- why does the spell-check make you capitalize Internet? How did that become a proper noun? I digress. Recovery is its own little bag of happy in a lot of ways. There are false starts with doctors; neuropathy pain; return to work issues; the realization you are not the same as you were; and the constant fear of getting sick again. But then again, that might just be me. The thing I noticed was how much physical strength I had lost from getting sick even to now.

So here’s the tip. Be patient. This walk is just as long and winding as the treatment phase. 

Sorry about yesterday

I was kind of maudlin yesterday. I don’t know why just was. You know it be that way sometimes. Feeling pretty good today. Lifted weights last night for the first time in 14 months. It’s about time to get into that again. I put it off to let my abdomen heal up a little more. That could become a tip. Hmmm. I am waxing reflective these days. I’ll be two years old Friday and anniversaries make me wonder ... Ho hum.
Had a great night of writing last night.  Cranked out a good 90 minutes of misspelled hackery.
My dear friend Lyn hooked me up with a playwriting group that meets Saturday. With any luck it’ll kick start me into finishing my cancer comedy. I guess that’s it.

Vacay Over

Tip tomorrow I swear to God. I’m pouting today. My vacation is over and I have to go back to work. Woe is me. I mean work is okay, but as they say – the worst day of golf, fishing, traveling, reading, and being a general pain in the ass, is better than the best day at work. 
Oh well. I have this habit. I only take vacation in the fall and spring. They’re my faves. 
Back to the grind. I have a lot to do. A big meeting tomorrow and a bigger meeting next week. A gagillion emails I’m sure and some phone messages from people I forgot to do something for. Ho, hum.
I’ve been working on a novel – an action novel. It’s coming along pretty well. I’m about 12,000 words into it. I’ve been thinking about rewriting my cancer book and shopping it to a publisher. I put it out in the format I did – diary – to make it inexpensive and easy to get to. My marketing has been for poop, I need to work that.
Buzz is watching me type. In recent months he has become my shadow and resident bed hog. It’s kind of reassuring. WE have good conversations – noLance Pinkham he doesn’t answer back.
You ever hear that Neil Diamond song “I am I said?” I feel that way today – Lost between two shores. I don’t know why. I wonder if everyone 55+ feels that way or is it just cancer survivors. Sometimes I wish I were more reserved and quiet. I don’t know how quiet people do it. It’s just not me. I think I let too many people in. Oh well.
Can you believe the Red Sox pulled that off last night and won? When I turned it off it was 5-1 Detroit when I wake up it’s 6-5 Boston. I’m stunned.
I redid my garage gym and now I just need to use it I gained a few pounds on vacay from snacking, drinking booze, and eating wonderful food. I am going to knock off 20 pounds. When I get too heavy my scar hurts.
Well gotta go and serve the citizens of Delaware.
Peace,

Bill

Chemo Induced Peripheral Neuropathy

Tip 61 –  Let’s start from the beginning chemo sucks when you’re going through it, but you might get a lifetime gift from it too. Chemo Induced Peripheral Neuropathy! Yeah baby. The symptoms are miserable and they include: a burning feeling in you limbs (and everywhere else for that matter); numbness, stabbing pain (when not numb), pricking (what ever that is), tingling, sharpness, shooting, and electric shock type feeling in extremities. But wait there’s more! Apparently this little gift can come with a healthy dose of constipation too – aren’t cancer patients lucky (and apparently full of sh#@T). Anyway, there is some good news and I’ll talk about it over the next couple of days. If any of you have tips to deal with this, sound off. Mine is usually worse if the lawn needs to be mowed, my lovely wife wants to go purse shopping, or there is a good football game on TV.

True story New Orleans

Tip #61 – Found my notes. For the next few days we will discuss Chemo-Induced Peripheral Neuropathy.

Ah hell, we will start tomorrow; I’ve got a much better story today. This is 100 percent true.

The man stood about 6’3”. A mop of dark hair topped his head and the baby face made his age hard to guess. Maybe he was 30. The woman was blonde and about the same age, maybe a year or two older. She had that look of privilege that guaranteed she’d marry well. She thought she was gorgeous even though she teetered on plain and looked like she disdained all bodily functions because poor people did them too.

He had thought it all out. The dim lighting of the Hotel Monteleone’s Criollo restaurant was the perfect romantic spot.

When the couple arrived at their small, white, marble-topped table for two, glasses of chilled champagne were waiting. He had thought of almost everything. Almost, everything.

Dinner was served by a team of professional wait staff that glided effortlessly from appetizer, to entrée, to finally dessert. The waiters and the rest were perfect in their timing and appeared when you wanted and stayed away so as not to intrude.

Eventually the woman moved to his side of the table, cradled his head in her hands, wished him a happy birthday and gave him a loving kiss.

From his pocket he produced a diamond ring, slid it on her finger, and asked her to marry him. It was the kind of ring that women love and other men hope their wives don’t see.

She looked at it, smiled thinly and said, “I can’t answer you right now.” She went back to her side of the table picked up her fork and started eating her dessert as if nothing just occurred. She started making small talk – and no attempt to give the ring back.

All of a sudden the man’s face exploded in a thin sheen of perspiration. He excused himself, got up and paced around the restaurant. Showing great restraint he returned to his seat and she still gaily ate her dinner.

When they finished eating she smiled and asked, “What are you going to do now?”

“I am going to drop you off,” he said. “Go home, have a nice glass of wine, and then go back to your place and stab you in the face.”

I checked the newspaper the next two days and no murders were reported; I was surprised. 

#60

Cancer tip #60 – Visit my nephew for lunch when I’m in RI (one of them yelled at me) .

Okay, not only that, but this is the last Caregiver Tip and in some ways the most important. Then it’s on to my favorite and many of yours -- neuropathy. Oh baby, it’s time for patients to take the spotlight again; we’ve been too gracious for too long. ‘Cause that’s what we are -- a selfish lot and we ought to own up to it. Yup. Okay, I got distracted from the post.

Caregivers – Be on guard and don’t ignore your own needs. The sicker your patient gets the more your needs increase. Remember, it is more likely than not that your patient will get miserable for a period of time and having a half-dead caregiver doesn’t help anyone. The most common signs for caregiver burnout and fatigue are:

Fatigue, Guilt, Anxiety, Stress, Frustration, Isolation, Depression, Anger, Resentment, and Illness. (As I look at these, it seems like a pretty standard day in Caregiver-land),

Back for NOLA

No tip today guys. I can’t find my neuropathy notes. Poop! I have only halfway unpacked from my trip to New Orleans. I had a wonderful time. I was a bit apprehensive about traveling since I hadn’t gone that far since being sick. As you all know I am a hypochondriac and was convinced flying in a pressurized cabin would make my Ommaya do something painful. The only real pain I experienced was sitting on the tarmac in Orlando for 3 ½ waiting for takeoff. Takeoff!!! I hate that they hold you hostage in the tarmac instead of letting you wander around the concourse when there is a delay. I did drink whiskey for the first time in three years while I was there. I also drank wine the night before. I probably don’t have a platelet in sight.

My dog and I are going fishing later today in a little creek near our house. He and I are also going to hike to, what looks to be, a bass pond. We’ll see, but first it is off to bed. BTW reading a great book called Unbroken about an American hero I had never heard of Louie Zamperini. More to follow.

I guess that’s it. See ya 

Tip and traffic

Cancer Tip 59 – I’ve been away from the group a little bit. I had to scoot up to RI for a hit and run personal visit. Just wanted to say hi to folks and then turn around and come right back. It was just a one-nighter. It took forever on the freeway. There are too many people in the Northeast between Delaware and Massachusetts and most of them are driving while texting.  I was in more traffic due to someone else’s accidents that the four our ride from Delaware to providence took 7 ½ hours it was terrible.

Okay the tip, This seminar I went to talked about building a binder, and coming form the army I am a big binder advocate. As you know the Army problem solving method is “identify a problem, build a binder.” While I advocate stuffing everything in a binder, the patient should prepare and update weekly a special caregiver binder with the following stuff:

An updated list of medicines, dosages and times taken -- this includes the stuff you take at home, the crazy herbal stuff your aunt is making you take, and all the chemo drugs as well; a complete list of contact info; a living will or what every you want in case you can’t communicate; a power of attorney; insurance policy numbers (life and health); all those release slips the doc send home with you.