Recovery is a funny thing. You work at it. You run hundreds of miles, drink hundreds of gallons less than you used to, obsess about every ache pain and symptom real or imagined all in the quest to make it back to “normal.”
And then after two years you think you’re ready to take the plunge to try a new thing on for size that takes you from the nest you built when you were sick, but still you drive forward.
At 1200 hours today Kate dropped me off at the Philadelphia airport for a journey that is taking me to Eugene Oregon for a job interview that could bring me more money and prestige than I currently have at my position with the Delaware Department of Labor. But there is something that makes me uncomfortable about it all. I’m not sure if it is leaving my doctor behind, my support group, the geezers I play golf with, even my new exalted position as the Chairman of the LLS patient Services Committee, or even the playwriting groups I recently joined.
Hmmm. My goal has always been to find my way back west and toss it all in favor of a life of smelling the roses, but somehow I’ve gotten a bit sidetracked. And maybe that’s the thing that is bugging me is that I am chasing this new job instead of sticking to my plan of chasing a rainbow or two. I tell myself that the increase in ay would be enough to get us going quickly once we sell the house. Maybe it’s true, but somehow I feel as though I’m betraying myself by going after a new job.
Kate asked me why I was doing this and in a moment of honesty I told her I wanted to be in charge. I don’t know. Maybe I’ve looked for validation from my professional life for so long that I am trying to dodge relaxing. It doesn’t feel that way, but maybe it is true.
So here I am at 0032 hours on a small puddle jumper Delta connector plane bouncing from Salt Lake to Eugene for a big job interview I’m not sure I really want anyway. Who knows though? Maybe I do want it. You see that’s the catch. Maybe I do.
Some of the best advice I ever got was from this guy who said, “The time to turn down a job isn’t before they offer it to you.” There is a lot to that.
So the plan is this. I’m going to do the best I can to win the job and then make my decision. Tomorrow at about 1030 I will get picked up at my hotel, taken to the Lane County Public Services Building and give the staff a presentation, then off to an hour long interview with a slction committee, then a writing exercise, and then I’m done until Thursday when I have to meet the board and give them a presentation.
Love to all,