And it’s bronchitis

Well boys and girls it appears I have a good dose of bronchitis. Probably the worst case f it in the history of man. On antibiotics, codeine, and an inhaler. Cranky, but not dying. 

Still sick

You’d think by now I couldn’t be rattled, but this flu/cold/URI has thrown me for a loop. Yikes. I am so hoarse, my voice sounds like it’s being run through scrambling software to keep me in the witness protection program. Fudgesicles! I ani’t happy.
Now this is truly stupid -- I hate missing a Monday of Friday at work, It just looks bad. Can’t stand it. Today will make it a Monday and I missed Friday. Fu, u, u dgesicles.
Got a doctor’s appointment at 0900 to be told I’m okay, just a hypochondriac. I bet I’m fine. My blood on the 23rd was good, ANC a bit high, WBC okay, Red a smidge low. Other than that good. so we’ll see what the doc says.
I guess that’s it!

Bill

Sick this week

Okay, going thru my first real sickness since remission began and it is scaring the shit out of me. You always hear stories -- at least I do -- of people being in reemission for a couple of years, catching kid crud and dying. Even though that is unlikely, it’s still hanging in the back of my mind. Shit ....

My sniffles have gradually become worse since December 23. I’ve been in bed since Christmas Eve. Last night my fever was about 101 and was kind of freaked, but my wife of 30 years (anniversary last night) took care of me and my fever broke -- I hope.

I guess that’s it. See you,

results

Okay. It’s a good day. I still have the sniffles, but that’s it. My blood looks good. Platelets still a little low and everything else is normal or close. So good news. I have to go back in six months. I was hoping for a year, but six months is cool!

appt. today

Whenever I have these oncology/hematology appointments I get a bit freaked out. I review every possible complication and play it over in my mind and eventually think myself into a near panic. In the end it comes out okay,

If all goes well today I will be in the “come back and see me next year” category. Fingers crossed!

I woke up with a sore throat this morning. Yech! And the sniffles. If I didn’t have a stupid board meeting at 0800 and then my appointment at 0940 I’d go bak to bed and stay there all day. I’d just hunker down with me and Louis L’amour, rustle some cattle, and take naps all day. Yikes!

I still haven’t forsaken my goal of chucking it all and playing. I am still trying to maneuver myself into that, but it has been hard to pull it all together. The money I mean. I wanted some seed money to make it easier, but lately I’ve been thinking about letting the bank repossess everything and just walking away. Who knows? Fu#@K.

update I guess

Hey guys:

Haven’t been posting lately. No real reason why. A couple of bits of news.

1. I have a big appointment Monday. Six Month check up, if everything goes well the next one will be in a year. A bit of Petechiae on my arms; a bit freaked out, but I’m probably okay.

2. Joined a playwriting group and am working on a cancer comedy. Halfway through.

3. No news on job front. They still haven’t made a decision.

Poop, damn, damn, sh@t

I got the blues. I’m pretty sure I didn’t get the job I went after in Eugene, Oregon. It’s been more than a week and as they wanted to move fast, I’m pretty sure they would have called. Poop!

I hate losing. I really do. It just frosts my cake (not in a good way). I guess I’ll just cool my heels for a while and see what happens. It could be a lot worse I guess. My job is okay, although I want to be in charge.

It’s just that I prepared my tail off for this thing. I’m talking hours of research, hours of rehearsals, and hours of flying in cramped airlines. Not to mention burning four days vacation.

I didn’t get much sleep last night; the thumb in my mouth was very distracting.

More later,

Poop!

Bu

feeling smug

I was recently thinking/ I don’t probably do that near enough. Regardless. I’m feeling pretty smug today. No word on the job yet – I don’t expect to get a call; I except a politely worded “thanks, but no thanks” letter.

I’m smug because I took a chance at a big step that could take me out of my comfort zone and throw my world into a tizzy/ That’s kind of the definition of living I think -- taking chances.

Two years ago. Cancer survivor. Blah, blah,   just thought I’d throw in the Reader’s Digest version; this part is pretty self-aggrandizing and pretty predictable/

It took a lot for me to get off my backside and step into the fray and I am quite smug about tit all. I guess that’s it. 

Mums the word

Recovery is a funny thing. You work at it. You run hundreds of miles, drink hundreds of gallons less than you used to, obsess about every ache pain and symptom real or imagined all in the quest to make it back to “normal.”

And then after two years you think you’re ready to take the plunge to try a new thing on for size that takes you from the nest you built when you were sick, but still you drive forward.

At 1200 hours today Kate dropped me off at the Philadelphia airport for a journey that is taking me to Eugene Oregon for a job interview that could bring me more money and prestige than I currently have at my position with the Delaware Department of Labor. But there is something that makes me uncomfortable about it all. I’m not sure if it is leaving my doctor behind, my  support group, the geezers I play golf with,  even my new exalted position as the Chairman of the LLS patient Services Committee, or even the playwriting groups I recently joined.

Hmmm. My goal has always been to find my way back west and toss it all in favor of a life of smelling the roses, but somehow I’ve gotten a bit sidetracked. And maybe that’s the thing that is bugging me is that I am chasing this new job instead of sticking to my plan of chasing a rainbow or two. I tell myself that the increase in ay would be enough to get us going quickly once we sell the house. Maybe it’s true, but somehow I feel as though I’m betraying myself by going after a new job.

Kate asked me why I was doing this and in a moment of honesty I told her I wanted to be in charge. I don’t know. Maybe I’ve looked for validation from my professional life for so long that I am trying to dodge relaxing. It doesn’t feel that way, but maybe it is true.

So here I am at 0032 hours on a small puddle jumper Delta connector plane bouncing from Salt Lake to Eugene for a big job interview I’m not sure I really want anyway. Who knows though? Maybe I do want it. You see that’s the catch. Maybe I do.

Some of the best advice I ever got was from this guy who said, “The time to turn down a job isn’t before they offer it to you.”  There is a lot to that.

So the plan is this. I’m going to do the best I can to win the job and then make my decision. Tomorrow at about 1030 I will get picked up at my hotel, taken to the Lane County Public Services Building and give the staff a presentation, then off to an hour long interview with a slction committee, then a writing exercise, and then I’m done until Thursday when I have to meet the board and give them a presentation.

Yikes!

Love to all,

Bill